Jupiter Ascending – Movie Review

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Chris Stuckmann reviews Jupiter Ascending, starring Channing Tatum, Mila Kunis, Sean Bean, Eddie Redmayne, Douglas Booth. Directed by Andy Wachowski, Lana Wachowski.

Comments

RogueCreed says:

1:43 Well, that escalated quickly.

AnythingEpic says:

Out of all of the planets in the solar system. They pick jupiter

Mizzah Tee says:

“F*ck You it’s…” oh wait… it’s no longer January. My final straw for
the Wachowskis. Whatever they once had is long gone :(

ratguy101 says:

I’m surprised the Watchowski’s would wright such a sexist character. Half
the Watchowki’s are female after all.

Nicolas Tyler Doyle says:

not every woman is “a strong female role who can be who own savior…”

i mean woman are fragile, and the weaker of the sexes. (at least as far as
human beings go). I think its getting too cliche’ to make FORCED efforts to
make female heroines in movies.

and for that matter any character. if ppl want a character thats
relate-able usually, the filmmakers should make the character more
vulnerable and weak, because at the end of the day i think thats what most
of us feel like. 

Blaze The Movie Fan says:

I agree with you that the Phantom Manace wasn’t very interesting.

But Attack of the Clones is far far worse.

MegaDragonslayer1997 says:

I’m gonna see it just because Chris made it seem so funny. 

RedgraveKennedy says:

Fucking meg, she has to ruin everything. 

Dominic Malone says:

I find it so fucking stupid that your down grading the movie for the
Wachowski’s characterization of the female protagonist. First off, Jupiter
is a girl who clean toilets for a living, I don’t fucking think she’d be
that strong willed… But your judging the movie the wrong way, you not
suppose to judge the film for portraying an angle of a weak women, you’re
supposed to follow the story of the weak women. It is not the film that
should conform to our views, it’s us that have to conform to the vision of
the artist, and what they are trying to convey. Judge a movie for what it
is, not what you think it should be!

Son Elton says:

This movie was fucking trash. Has to he in the top 5 for worst of the year.


Hayashi Nirvana says:

I love your reviews Chris but I hate that intro because i know it’s the
guitar song from Garageband.

ComCap says:

Dear Chris, I know your a big fan of video games, but it seems you only
review console games and I wanted to tell you that there are many PC games
out there which are worth playing. I know that good gaming PC are very
expensive, but the games are a lot cheaper and there are far more free to
play games. And lately there is a programme called early access which let’s
independent developers come up with ideas and if they can rase enough money
they can make their own game which is great because big developers like EA
don’t always accept ideas. But when there released they are huge successes.
So please consider PC gaming. Thank you.

Gabriel Rangel says:

I don’t wanna start a war but Phantom Menace is not a bad film, I quite
like it. It’s just very different to the original trilogy and all.

liaison dangereuse says:

never liked Matrix and always thought the Wachowskis can’t make a good
movie. So overrated

SpikeJet2736 says:

Love the first Matrix, then the Wachowski brothers also produced V for
Vendetta which I also liked and… that’s really it and those were fucking
years ago. Please stop giving these guys money to make more movies

MEEG0L says:

Wachowskis are totally overrated. The success of the Matrix wasn’t the
story but mostly the ground breaking special effects, cinematography, fight
scenes etc. I think they’re convinced they’re brilliant story tellers or
something now. Similar to George Lucas hack ass.

Armoured Critic says:

I don’t know, I could tell from the casting choice that this movie would be
balls-terrible.
Channing and Mia are… decent and when put in the right roles can really
enhance a movie; but Sci-Fi roles require a certain level of acting skill
that these two just do not posses.

RyanKaufman says:

Wachoskis suck at writing. I’m just gonna say it. I think they’re decent
directors. They’re not the best but the level of ambition they often
display… I just want them to have a grounded script that isn’t bullshit
pretentious dribble.

Cloud Atlas would have been so great if it was well-rounded. But instead it
collapsed from the sheer weight of itself. This movie, in my opinion, shows
they haven’t learned their lessons; quite the opposite, they went even
further.

For perspective, I don’t like the Matrix films. I think the dialogue is
cringey there like I think it is here. It’s just bad. Too much leather
bullshit “it’s symbolic” for me to enjoy mixed with dialogue that comes
from a fanfiction writer.

Slade Matthew says:

Am I the only one who accurately predicted that this movie was going to be
horrible?

Rodney McKay says:

I hope BvS is as good as this movie. 

Sense Locke says:

I did like it. I liked what they were trying to do, as the fundamental
conflict is something very 70s sci-fi.

But I agree about Jupiter’s character–she was just kind of pulled along
and rescued. I get that this was intentional–she’s being kept off-balance
on purpose. But it feels like another 15-20 minutes of breathing room would
have helped.

That said, I completely agree that she should have been given some agency
earlier on. She should have puzzled out the politics more quickly (making
the “You’re a smart girl” conversation earlier purposeful). Maybe she
should have stolen some hoverboots of her own, or a holo-projector and
started being a bit more devious. Maybe she should have used a lifetime of
stargazing to intuit location and surprise someone along the way. Maybe
just one scene of her rescuing him, I don’t know.

I do like that she actually stood up and fought back at the end, but it
still seemed a bit forced. And the whole “marriage” bit… ew, ew, ewewew.

I liked what it was trying to do, and the effects were clever and gorgeous
and it was fun. But it could have been so much more.

ANTHONY ALBA says:

Hey Chris, I did a review on Jupiter Ascending, myself. The thing I
stressed strongly throughout is something a lot of people seemed to miss.
If you look at the filmography of the Wachowskis, all of their films save
for Speed Racer (at least to the best of my recollection) have had very
strong, active female characters. Bound’s two main characters were women,
The Matrix had Trinity, and so on. If you’ve seen their other films I am
certain you’re already aware of more examples. My point being is Jupiter
Ascending is a satire. They did such a good job of deliberately trying to
make a bad movie like Twilight, they basically Andy Kaufman’d everybody.
They hate weak female characters and helpless damsel in distress plots,
based on their track record and went to an extreme of the opposite
direction to make a point. A point which I think flew over most people’s
heads. That point being weak female characters are boring. The way the
royalty behaved in the movie was awful on purpose in my opinion. Because to
the Wachowskis, they were making a big joke.

Chris Stuckmann says:
Ray Dioaktivman says:

When I first saw the title ‘Jupiter Ascending” I took it for a movie about
Jupiter and the Olympians rising up against and overthrowing their Titan
parents. Exciting , epic, legendary. And then I saw this review.
Maybe they’ll make “The *REAL* Jupiter Ascending” and it will be the movie
that I was hoping for.

TurbojetAquila says:

What a stupid fuck. 231.727 subscribers? Are you fuckin’ kidding me?

Blu-Ray King says:

The Wachowski’s had that one hit with The Matrix, but have they done
anything noteworthy since then? Both sequels were lackluster and Speed
Racer sucked outside of visual effects. 

The Third Child says:

I was afraid it would end up being bad. I mean Mila Kunis? She has never
done a good job in anything that she’s been in, and Channing Tatum still
can’t pull off a serious role in my opinion, but I didn’t think it would be
this bad. I still want to see it though, you made it seem like a “so bad
it’s good” type of movie

firefly4f4 says:

I think I hated this more than you did. I quite honestly disliked this
more than any of the (82) films I saw last year. So cliched, so many
scenes ripped straight out of other, much better movies, that even after
about 30 minutes when I said to myself, “OK, I’m just going to try to enjoy
this as a bad film” I couldn’t do it because of all the slow family drama
bullshit scenes.

Good lawrd, when Eddie Redmayne turns in a worse performance than Channing
Tatum (who is honestly the best performance in the film), there is
something wrong.

Ryu Hayabusa says:

Wow that sucks. well I’ll watch it myself just to be sure cause I was
looking forward to this movie. and I do like Sci fi action films in
General. I hope I’ll enjoy it.

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